Keep Going...

I have a lot on my mind tonight and I'm finding it hard to sleep so I'm sharing on the internet. Probably not smart, but here I go... My husband's struggle with his brain injury over the past 3 and a half years has been hard for all of us, but it has almost done me in to see how he struggles from day to day. I had to sit and listen to a letter today from a professional who should have known better, saying things like "you'd think by now there would have been some improvement" almost as though we are making things up. These moments are the moments when I want to curl up and cry. This person has no idea of the anguish we have been through and only knows what they see in the files. The day in, day out pain and knowing there really are no more options. The medications have been ineffective at best. And causing more damage at worst. We have been referred once again to a head ache clinic but really, what can they do that hasn't been done? I know God has never left us down but at this low point, I wonder, is this what's left for us? The constant struggle to feel "normal"? Whatever normal is. He "looks fine". I look fine. But we aren't. He's in constant pain and I'm trying to hold it all together for one more day. I'm not trying to complain. I know there are people out there worse off than I. Women who had to say goodbye to their men on that hospital bed. I know I'm fortunate and blessed, but every so often I need to cry for what we've lost. For the loss of that daddy and husband who didn't come home that rainy Monday, May 7, 2012. For the loss of our "normal" life. And for the loss of our children's innocence because what always "happens to somebody else" had suddenly happened to us. Now they know it can and they're afraid it will again. I cry because it's all I can do. Then I pull myself together, dry my tears, pray for the strength I need to get through one more day. And He always comes through. Nothing has changed. But we can keep going. That's all that matters.